My 14-year-old daughter and I watch Glee together. I (mostly) enjoy the new arrangements of new and old hits and like to think I get some cred with her because I can name most of the older songs and their artists (my only black hole is is some of the newer Broadway). I also have a soft spot for the corny teen drama, and was also a fan of the original 90210 in its early years as well as the original Degrassis (junior and senior high). My enjoyment is somewhat tempered by the inevitable silliness and implausibility that pull down so many episodes. (Lima, Ohio must be the only non-unionised school board in the US, with teachers, principals and custodial staff getting hired and fired at whim. But don't get me started...)
Anyway, the most recent episode (October 10), a tribute to late actor Cory Monteith, turned out to be a Very Special Episode for me personally. I was out of town when it first aired and was waiting for a chance to view it. I then got news on Oct 15 that my cousin's wife Erica, a dear friend of mine, had finally succumbed to cancer. Information abut her family's plans were trickling out very slowly, and I hadn't really had a chance to talk to anyone about her death except in practical terms, like when it would be appropriate to contact her husband, should we send flowers, etc. I was trying to get my house clean, my family organised and my commitments addressed after being away, but was having trouble focusing. So a few hours before my sister and I were to go visit the grieving husband and son, I decided to watch Glee.
I'm not really a sucker for emotionally manipulative tv. Fortunately this episode managed to rise above normal expectations. The actors were facing actual loss of a friend and colleague. For once the writers managed to cover the range of reactions normal people would have to the sudden death of a young person, with only a little cliche. Finn's mother expressed what my neighbour had said after her daughter died, about waking up everyday only to realise she's not there and feel the anguish all over again. The music choices, so often straining to match a title to a particular week's theme, were personal choices that had an actual connection to the character (I'll Stand by You, No Surrender, Fire & Rain) with only one (If I Die Young) pushing the theme boundaries. I somehow had never heard Rachel's choice (Feel My Love) but discovered through google that it had been a massive hit for Adele, as well as Billy Joel, Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood, and was actually a Bob Dylan song, which was obvious in hindsight from the wistful yet hopeful and slightly blues-y melody line and lyrics.
Luckily my daughter had already watched the episode because I was a mess. My grief was compounded by the actors' real grief, not to mention the characters'. I'm not one to wallow in breakup songs after a breakup. However, this was a mind blowing catharsis. I'd been holding in sniffles for three days, so this was a chance to let it all go. I even sang along shamelessly in a feeble cracked voice. The effects lasted a long time and I started to get worried I would lose it in front of my cousin, the way I had when I went to my mom's cousin's viewing a few years after my mom had died. In the end our visit was bittersweet, with my sister able to share a touching story about Erica her husband hadn't heard before. We sat in the kitchen of their house with other cousins, chatting away about all sorts of other stuff, but keenly feeling like she should be coming around the corner at any moment.
The next day I started to feel like I could get myself together after being under a cloud (though writing this is starting to bring back those feelings). Hopefully I'll be able to remember the continued pain of Erica's family and try to continue to be there for them. My husband wants me to erase the episode but I can't just yet, and I don't know when I will, though I know the time will come.
So, to Glee, thank you.
